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Truth of the Matter
By Patti Pfeiffer
I've been called plenty of names in my life -- some applicable, several earned and a few deserved. But recently I was labeled a liar. Now I don't much care for that word. Seems stronger than a gallon of freshly spewed skunk spray.
But for the fact that the person attaching such a derogatory title to me was a complete stranger and just spitting venom, I would've taken offense, been insulted and slightly hurt. Yet, I knew the truth and that released me.
I pride myself on honesty -- in my personal life and both professions. Dishonesty isn't tolerated in either the newspaper or real estate business.
I refereed the emotionally charged exchange that took place during our writers' group not so long ago. It pitted two worthy opponents, both devout Christians and longtime dear friends of one another.
In one corner was 82-year-old retired teacher and school librarian Mary Ann. In her 70s, her opponent was Marilyn who holds a PhD and is likewise retired albeit from a successful ascent up the corporate ladder. I've known these two for a quite a while and respect them immensely.
Being participants in the writers' group they often disagree on grammatical matters and other trivial issues. But this? This was deep and the debate was hot.
I don't recall what sparked the philosophical sparring between these ladies, but it began with Mary Ann being quizzed on whether she'd tell a fib. Soft-hearted and kind Mary Ann answered in an expected manner.
"Well if someone asked me if they looked good and I thought they looked horrible, I'd be inclined to tell a white lie to spare their feelings."
That comment was like unleashing a caged hungry tiger. Marilyn pounced without mercy, cutting, dicing and ripping MaryAnn's reasoning to shreds.
"I'm not going to put someone's feeling on the altar of my honesty," she countered adamantly.
Striving for a TKO, she then delivered a hard blow. "And now I can't trust you. You've compromised your honesty. How can I ever trust you again?" she grilled her friend.
I sat in silence listening, ready to apply first aid if that upper cut resulted in open wounds.
Before Mary Ann could rebound and reload, Marilyn began round two. "It's not a Christian thing. I learned the value and virtue of honesty from my mother, when growing up, before I became a Christian. When I became a Christian it just reinforced what I was taught and how I was raised.
"Honesty is a number one fundamental. If you don't have that, you don't have trust. Honesty is a foundation on which all is else is built. Without that you have nothing. If you love someone and they ask how they look you can reply honestly 'you look wonderful to me.'"
Silence entered the ring while the rest of us regained our composure and retrieved our jaws from the floor.
Of course Marilyn was correct. Yet there are people who can't tell the truth, viewing it as entertaining, a hobby of sorts. Some are members of my own family.
And there was a time I could've been considered a pathological liar. However, I was single then and dating several guys simultaneously. Falsehoods were essential, a necessary evil.
Then I got married and truth became mandatory. I changed. Really. Truly. No lie.
I conducted a small survey polling several friends on the subject of falsehood, asking if they would tell a white lie to spare family or a friend's feelings.
As expected, Diane from Allen wrote, "Nah. You can usually find the words to speak the truth diplomatically."
From now on I'll be analyzing her every word.
Donna responded, "Unfortunately, I lied just about an hour ago and it was to spare feelings."
Then again, Donna fibs all the time. I know. She's been a friend for nearly 40 years.
Written like a seasoned politician, Tom wrote, "I choose to invoke the rights granted me by the Fifth Amendment. BTW that's a pretty dress. I may not tell you what you want to hear, I may let you convince yourself of your own version of the truth. I may even allow you to let your imagination run wild, but I probably won't ever lie to you...probably. Unless it's for your own good."
I'll never trust my friends again. Glad I didn't poll hubby.
Patti Pfeiffer is a columnist for Star Local News, freelance writer and author. She can be reached at pattip913@msn.com
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